Login Sign UpNew User?

 Self-help Library :  Relationships

In-Laws: Building the Relationship

It is a fact that when you get married, you not only marry your spouse, but you also marry into the family or ‘system'. Your in-laws can be a tremendous source of support and closeness, but they can also cause problems in your marital relationship. These issues could range from a minor interference to having total control over one's spouse and over the relationship. How can one deal with this?

... Please log in to continue reading.

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.

Comments

  • hkond

    I had a situation which might be silly but which made me think my self as never a part of husbands family. one fine mrng when I was in office cab my in-law called and asked me did you pack lunch for my son??I said yes I did for both of us and he is getting ready for office and as my cab came early I left the house a bit early. she said to me I am not asking about your lunch just give me the answer whether you have packed lunch for my son or not?? I told her yes I did why I wouldn't do that, she immediately called my dad and said your daughter is jot giving me respect and not answering me what ever I am asking her, so come for a panchayat,we need to talk on her behaviour. And this matter she didn't even tell her husband and son. after 4 months I told my husband whatever had happened on that and the reply he gave me was a mind blocking answer. my granny tortured my mom so my mom is torturing you , is this a family tradition that continues ??? Am I wrong in this situation or what ???

  • RAGG

    Nice article but very tough to implement in real life. You cannot control your emotions when you know they don't like you and doing things just to hurt you. Mother is law just not accept the truth that her daughter in law better than in all aspect...she is working, she can cook better than her, she can do better and faster work than her, she can take care for her son..... she is just jealous.

  • sucharu1981

    As a daughter-in-law, is it fair and wise to expect a whole family start behaving in a new manner that pleases you? Moreover, it has been established scientifically that males and females are emotionally very different.Take responsibility to align yourself to the new family and when acceptance comes in,talk about your concerns , but in a respectable manner.

  • viky293

    This is very thoughtful article, we need to understand it without creating a stereotype for in-laws. There is only one thumb rule that there are good people(smart ones) and bad people (dumb ones) irrespective of who they are and sometimes it's difficult for both to adjust together.

  • ravitirumala

    i think these are hard to follow in real life conditions

  • Impossible

    u r in laws behaviour towards you will determine the respect we give them..

  • jo213

    I accept only first strategy that , in-laws can not become your parents. My in-laws are actually not a good parents of their son then how they can become good in-laws

  • jo213

    I accept only first strategy that , in-laws can not become your parents. My in-laws are actually not a good parents of their son then how they can become good in-laws

  • Kesa2211

    My inlaws were completely against me before marriage and even after marriage. They do not like the fact that I earn as much as their son and they cannot suppress me. How can I respect such people?

  • SVbhave

    Article is very nice....But sometimes you can not just change the mindset of the another person who is 50/60 years old...We should learn to maintain the distance gracefully

  • cprave

    I don't agree completely, as in-laws were every time thinking something bad should happen to my parents & brothers. they never change, they just want son & their daughter to b around them & nothingelse.

  • VinSun

    Nice Article.. Thanks for posting it. Esp. I liked the Strategies for a Positive Mindset. This will surely help to develop/maintain in-law relationship

  • amrithsh@in.ibm.com

    Can not completely agree with that. after my marriage my hubby and in-laws were praying death of my parents and brother so that they can get ownership in my father's property its never possible for me to accept them as my own parents.