SELF HELP RESOURCE - Relationships / Couples

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Some of us get into one knowingly and some of us just find ourselves in one, though it could have been the last thing we wanted. Both are equally difficult and no one scenario is easier than the other.

You can have a long distance relationship between two partners stuck in two different cities in the same country, or it could be two countries. The former has some advantage because if you really wanted to see your partner this weekend, you can. Whichever it is, it is not easy, and it is a challenge.

It is hard to imagine someone having a long distance relationship 20 years ago, without Internet, cell phones and what not. A snail mail would take ages to reach from another country and whatever was written in that would be outdated by the time it reached. Technology has played a huge role in making such relationships last, but beware; the same technology could cause damage to your relationships as well.

Be Honest, and Do Not Cheat 

This is where we need to be totally honest with ourselves. Being far away from our partner does not ever grant us the right to do what we want. One might be tempted to or get attached emotionally to another person due to physical proximity – and their partner may not even be aware of it. If you have ever done something like this, then be assured that your relationship has already taken a few steps back without your knowledge. At some point of time in future, it will come back to haunt you if not dealt with in the right way. Here is something you could try: whenever you are in doubt, ask yourself how you would feel if your partner did what you were going to do. Would you approve him/her doing it? No? Would you feel hurt if he/she did it? Yes? Then you need to rethink doing it.

Ever Felt Misunderstood?

It's very easy to misunderstand your partners tone over the phone. Worse, it's easier to misunderstand over the Internet. You can always tune words into what you want to hear and in that process the real meaning gets lost. Honestly, there is nothing much we can do about this. This is bound to happen often, and us just being aware that it could be a misunderstanding, is a good start. Remember that what tone you got from your partners message, need not necessarily have to be the way he/she meant it to be.

Always Clarify

Being out of sight, you are sure to hear about your partner from friends and other known people. News can get twisted by the time it reaches you and it could be far from reality. Do not jump into a conclusion by listening to the words of a third person. Always clarify it with your partner and be careful to not use an accusing tone.

Frustration is natural

Frustrations will happen. Physical closeness is such an important part of any relationship and when that is missing, it could throw the system into chaos. But do you want to give it all up because of some temporary frustrations?

Along with distance, you will begin to see a different side of your partner. Understand that no one comes with only positive traits. The negatives remain hidden at first and the closer you get, the more it is revealed. A cruel joke, don't you think? But you will feel this way irrespective of who you are with.

Space it Out

Frustrations and fights happen. Don't be in a hurry to resolve it. Some people tell their partner that they should never ever let the sun go down before they resolve an issue. It does not always work that way. What's the hurry? You may be able cool down in a few minutes and you would love to resolve things right away. Your partner on the other hand, may need more space and time before he/she has cooled down and sometimes this could extend into the next day. Remember that different people have different time spans before they are ready to talk about or resolve an issue. So respect your partner's space.

Surprise Does Magic

Do things that are unexpected. Send a snail mail. Nothing beats the feeling of receiving something that was hand written by your partner. It feels more real and there is a different kind of connection. Plan a surprise call when your partner is not expecting one. If it goes unanswered, worry not, try later. If it goes through, just say, "I called to say that I love you." You can also send some packages occasionally that would surprise your partner. The scopes of surprises are unlimited. Be creative and put an extra conscious effort into it always. The benefits are great.

Believe, for it shall pass

The distance is not permanent. It shall pass in due time. Ask yourself if what you have is worth holding on to, in spite of the hardships. If the answer is yes, then the pain, anger and frustrations of a long distance relationship are really worth it. Don't ever give up on something so precious, because of distance. How bad can a few months or years be? You both have a lifetime together...

Trust is the Key

Trust is the most important factor in a long distance relationship and any relationship. You cannot doubt and you cannot keep checking on your partner. You need to trust them and this can be a very hard thing to come by, especially if you have had your trust broken in the past. It is important to work towards believing for a fact that your partner would not let you down and be assured that your partner believes the same of you. If you ever see a small doubt creeping in, be sure to address it as soon as possible and clear it with your partner. If you ignore it, it will only grow like a tumor, until it's too late to cure.

No Conditions

You need to trust your partner unconditionally. Never use statements like, "I will trust you if you call me everyday." Or, "I will trust you if you mail me everyday." Remember that your partner is not your hostage. The phone may not ring for a few days and your inbox may remain empty and that in no way means your partner has stopped loving you. Trust them even if you don't hear from them for a while. There is always a good reason. You may also have expectations, but it in no way means that they have to be met. Some would be met and some may not. Appreciate your partner for what they do for you.

No answer? Don't Panic

Ever tried calling your partner and all the phone did was ring on and on? And what did you think? That he/she has forgotten about you and moved on? I agree that it could be the most frustrating feeling for you. It is for everyone, and calling becomes more complex because you are both in two different cities with a very different work schedule that could complicate things. Ask yourself what could have happened before you jump to any conclusions. Your partner could be at work. The phone would have run out of battery or it may have been on silent mode. Maybe they did not hear it, and hey, maybe they did not want to talk to you that day. Is there a rule that states that your partner should be willing to speak to you whenever you want to?

Latest Comments

LavanyaChadha on 25 Aug 2020, 00:45 AM

Being in an abusive relationship takes a toll on people. Therefore, as mentioned, spending time with oneself and having a sense of social support might be really helpful.

konakala on 26 Feb 2016, 14:30 PM

Its true. Trust is the foundation for married couples life.