SELF HELP RESOURCE - Relationships / Marriage

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Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed the following psychological tasks:

1. Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

2. Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

3. Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

4. For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

5. Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.

6. Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

7. Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

8. Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner's needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

9. Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.


This article is taken from the APA (American Psychological Association) Health Centre

Latest Comments

viky293 on 01 Aug 2017, 17:40 PM

What I have been observing is that in India if a boy has to suffer it's justified in such a way that it's okay, it feels like we have forgotten the true meaning of marriage. It is a story of two individuals at the lowest level. It was at some point of the time it was ties between two realms, nations then between two communities later it became two families and with the current scenario it between two individuals and trending towards the singularity. The very definition of family is distorted.

msns on 15 Jun 2017, 09:26 AM

my parents did everything and spent everything with me for my study and getting a good job. if wife don't want to if my parents stay with me...what should I do then ?

vihaanmum on 25 Oct 2016, 19:00 PM

madansusam,you have entered a new phase of life.....and its a big responsibility for man to balance wife and his parents ....and u have to keep both of them happy..talk to ur wife...discuss each others problems..have an open talk and try to understand her view points and check why she feels that way ...if there s a proper reason for the same.....then sit together and decide...you are not the first person to face this issue...all bboys have that problem ..including my own family...I dnt stay with inlaws ...they are good ppl but I preferred having my own family set up...theres nothing wrong in having separate family set ups..each has its own pros and cons...and sometimes.its better that way....creates less problems and confusionbut be very clear with ur principles...and make her understand...how much u value ur parents...and set up some agreements ..like ...visit them often....visit them during festivals...etc ....balance it well.

simi on 15 Sep 2016, 12:18 PM

This article is taken from the APA (American Psychological Association) Health Centre It would be of great help for the newly married couple if some facts/problems are discussed from the Indian family/culture concerned in general and the suggestive actions may be taken to solve the same.

madansusam on 15 Jul 2016, 11:59 AM

my parents did everything and spent everything with me for my study and getting a good job. if wife don't want to if my parents stay with me...what should I do then ?

anilcts10 on 24 Jul 2015, 05:10 AM

I good marriage or successful wedding possible on when both not speak to gather i.e when on is speaking other get silent or listen with pretty smile‚?¶‚?¶I am taking responsibility your marriage will be one of the successful wedding.

kaizan on 06 Jul 2015, 08:34 AM

Its not practical, Ideal approach.