Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect. Let's look at some ways in which people with high and low confidence differ:
- Doing what you believe to be right, and not constantly wondering if others will approve.
- Willing to take risks and try new things.
- Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them.
- Accepting compliments graciously. "Thanks, I really worked hard on that project".
- Behaviour is based on what other people think.
- Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure and so avoid taking risks.
- Working hard to cover up mistakes.
- Dismissing compliments. "If you look at the work carefully I'm sure you'll notice a lot of errors".
Do you sometimes identify with low self confidence? If you do, then read on.
Where did this all begin from?
Early childhood development plays an important role in preparing one, to face what the world has to offer. Research shows that children who were often criticized harshly, or were yelled at or beaten, and were given little attention by those they were closest to, grew up with low self esteem. If they were ridiculed and even teased as they experienced failures in their young lives, or if they were made to feel they had to be perfect in order to be valued can also contribute to the creation of low self confidence.
People with low self-confidence often give themselves messages that failed experiences (not getting that job, losing a game, getting poor feedback, etc.) are failures of their whole self. These negative messages then influence how we respond and behave in that situation.
How does low Self Confidence impact you?
~You may see yourself as incompetent and inadequate, and as a result not make efforts to attempt anything difficult or new for fear of making a mistake or performing badly. This means that you will not give yourself the chance to experience success and the happiness of a task well done.
~You may become discouraged and give up easily at the first sign of difficulty or criticism.
~You may see yourself as unworthy and unlovable, and find it difficult to trust others. Since you think of yourself in negative ways you may assume that others think of you the same way. You could then stay away from other people to avoid the possibility of rejection.
~You may not state your true feelings or ask for what you want or confront others.
~Other people may not be very impressed by you, and will not naturally choose you to do something which is challenging or important.
As you can see, all these would in turn impact your relationships, your work and your success in life.
We cannot go back in time and change the past, some things are out of our control. However we do have control over how we let our past impact us today. We can build up our confidence by overcoming these messages and learning new ways to behave and respond.