Arranged Marriage vs. Love Marriage

Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage: What’s Best For You?

by RelationshipRelationship

So you’ve decided it’s time to settle down, but now you’re faced with an age-old question — arrange marriage vs love marriage? This is a tough choice with lots of things to consider. An arranged marriage offers stability and family approval but less personal freedom. A love marriage lets you choose a partner you connect with deeply, yet it can mean facing family disapproval or cutting ties.

Arranged Marriage vs. Love Marriage
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The Basics: Defining Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage

When it comes to marriage, the age-old question is: should you have an arranged marriage or a love marriage? There are some key differences to consider before making this big life decision.

Arranged Marriages

An arranged marriage is when your parents or family members choose a life partner for you based on factors like family background, education, profession, and interests. The prospective bride and groom usually meet a few times before the wedding, but don’t date or have a long courtship.

Pros:

  • Your family has more life experience and wants the best for you. They consider important factors you may overlook when in love.
  • There is family support and involvement from the start.
  • Cultural and family expectations encourage making the marriage work.

Cons:

  • You may feel like you have little say in one of the biggest decisions of your life.
  • It can be difficult to develop love and intimacy with someone you barely know.
  • There may be pressure to accept the match your family chooses even if you have doubts.

Love Marriages

In a love marriage, you find a life partner on your own by dating, falling in love, and mutually deciding to get married. You court, get engaged, and then have a wedding.

Pros:

  • You marry someone you truly love and connect with.
  • You feel fully in control of your destiny and life choices.
  • Possibly more intimacy with someone you have chemistry with.

Cons:

  • Your family may not approve of or support the match.
  • There is a higher risk of divorce if you realize after marriage you have less in common than you thought.
  • You may face challenges merging family and cultural backgrounds that you overlooked when in love.

In the end, you must follow your heart and do what feels right for your situation. The path you choose can make a big difference in your long-term happiness.

Also Read: Formula for a Happy Marriage

Key Differences in Outcomes for Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage

When it comes to marriage, the path you choose—arranged or love—can significantly impact your relationship. Let’s look at some of the key differences in outcomes for each type of marriage:

Compatibility

In arranged marriages, compatibility and shared life goals are emphasized. Families consider factors like religion, culture, education, career, and socioeconomic status when pairing couples. This often leads to marriages where partners have a lot in common and similar visions for the future. However, passion and deep emotional connection may take time to develop.

Emotional Intimacy

In love marriages, emotional intimacy and attraction are already present. Partners go into the marriage with a strong bond and friendship already established. However, differences in backgrounds, values and life goals—which families consider in arranged marriages—may not have been fully discussed or considered before marrying. This can potentially lead to challenges later on.

Success Rate

In the long run, both types of marriage can be equally successful or unsuccessful. Compromise, communication, mutual understanding, and effort are required to build a lasting relationship, regardless of how the marriage began. While passion may fade over time, the friendship and partnership at the core of the relationship can endure. The path that is right for you depends on your priorities, values and what you want in a life partner.

Talk to others in long-term marriages, learn from their experiences, and determine what factors are most important for your own happiness and fulfilment. The choice between an arranged or love marriage is deeply personal. Listen to your intuition, be open to either option and make the decision that will lead to the most meaningful union for you.

Tips for Making Either Approach Work Long-Term

To make either an arranged marriage or a love marriage work long-term, communication and compromise are key. Some tips to keep in mind:

Express your needs and listen with an open mind.

Talk openly about your core values, life goals, expectations for married life, desire for children, and anything else important to you. Really listen to understand your partner’s perspective. Be willing to find common ground and compromise when your views differ.

Set shared goals and work as a team.

Whether bringing two families together or building a life from scratch, you and your spouse should identify mutual hopes, dreams and priorities to work toward as partners. Collaborate and support each other in pursuing career, financial, family and lifestyle goals. Make key decisions together through honest discussion.

Appreciate your differences.

Learn to value what makes your partner unique. Accept that you may not share all of the same interests or opinions, and that’s OK. Focus on the qualities you admire about them rather than trying to change who they are. Choose to celebrate diversity over conformity.

Nurture intimacy and friendship.

Make time for meaningful connection through open conversation, shared experiences, physical intimacy and simple acts of affection or support. Pursue common interests together and engage in lighthearted teasing or banter. Build closeness through vulnerability, trust and dependability. A strong emotional and physical bond will sustain you through challenges.

Seek counselling or advice if needed.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help from wise elders, counsellors or friends if communication breaks down, conflict arises or the relationship falls into a rut. Outside support can help you gain a healthier perspective, learn useful skills or find your way back to mutual understanding and happiness. Every marriage takes effort, so get help when you need it.

Read More: Energise Your Marriage

Which Path Is Right for You? How to Decide Between Arrange vs. Love

Deciding between an arranged marriage and a love marriage is a big life choice. Which path is right for you comes down to several important factors.

Your priorities and values

What do you value most in a life partner? Things like shared interests, emotional connection, practical considerations (like family background), and life goals are all things to consider. If you value cultural traditions and family input, an arranged marriage may appeal more. If finding a deep romantic connection is most important, a love marriage is probably a better fit.

Partner compatibility

How much say do you want in choosing a compatible life partner? In an arranged marriage, family and matchmakers primarily determine compatibility based on cultural factors and life values. In a love marriage, you choose your partner based on mutual attraction, shared interests, and long-term compatibility. If you want more control and input into finding a well-matched partner, a love marriage may suit you better.

Family dynamics

What level of family involvement do you want in your marriage? Arranged marriages typically involve heavy family influence, with elders determining suitable matches and marriage terms. Love marriages offer more independence in partner choice, though families are still often involved in the wedding and marriage to some degree. Consider how much family influence over your marriage feels right for you.

Commitment to marriage

Both arranged and love marriages can be equally committed and long-lasting. In a love marriage, the commitment tends to be based primarily on the strength of the relationship. Evaluate how committed you feel to the institution of marriage itself.

In the end, you must follow your heart. The path that aligns with your values, needs, and priorities is the one that will lead you to a happy, fulfilling marriage. Whether that is through arrangement or love is a personal choice that only you can make.

Frequently Asked Questions

Arranged marriages and love marriages each have their pros and cons. Many people wonder which path they should choose. Here are some frequently asked questions to help you decide:

What’s the difference between an arrange marriage and a love marriage?

In an arranged marriage, your parents choose your life partner based on family compatibility and values. In a love marriage, you find a partner on your own through dating or courtship before deciding to get married. The key difference is who selects the partner.

Which type of marriage leads to greater happiness?

There is no definitive answer. A successful marriage depends on mutual understanding, respect and compromise between partners, not how they first met. Both arranged and love marriages have the potential for happiness and longevity.

Does an arranged marriage mean I have no choice in the matter?

Not at all. In modern arranged marriages, parents act as matchmakers to introduce you to prospective partners who seem like a good fit based on shared backgrounds and life goals. The final decision is up to you and your potential partner. You can date for a while to get to know each other before deciding to marry or part ways.

What are the pros and cons of each type of marriage?

Arranged marriage pros: Family support, shared values, financial stability. Cons: Less choice, potential lack of attraction or emotional connection with a partner.

Love marriage pros: Marrying someone you genuinely care for and connect with. Cons: Family may disapprove, greater chance of heartbreak if the relationship ends.

The path you choose ultimately comes down to your priorities and what will make you happiest. An arranged marriage and a love marriage each have the potential for success. With open communication, patience and compromise, you can build a fulfilling relationship no matter how you first met your partner.

Conclusion

So there you have it, the pros and cons of going the arrange marriage vs love marriage. As with most big life decisions, there’s no clear winner or obvious choice. It comes down to what’s right for you based on your priorities, values, and situation. If stability, family approval, and cultural tradition rank high, an arranged marriage could be worth considering. But if finding a soulmate, romantic love, and personal freedom are most important, then a love marriage is probably the way to go. 

At the end of the day, you have to go with what will let you sleep soundly at night and wake up each morning with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. The path is different for each of us. Listen to your inner voice and it will guide you to the right choice.

Relax, laughing and senior mother and daughter with coffee cup for home conversation, talking and bonding together. Black family, people or woman with elderly mom love, tea and living room carpet.

6 Ways to Be There For Your Support System

by Relationship

Mohana has been feeling very overwhelmed since the last couple of days. She has recently joined office after her maternity leave. There has been an overload of new information at office and she feels burdened with work and home responsibilities. She explains this situation to her husband and mother who step in to support her with taking care of the baby and arranging for a house help. Her colleagues assist her in learning the new developments at work. One of her team members who is also a good friend to Mohana, helps her in keeping a track of her meals and breaks, while reminding her that Mohana had been very supportive to her when she was feeling distressed in the past. 

This experience helped Mohana in feeling heard, understood and supported. She has also started to realize the importance of being a good source of support to her support systems. 

Support systems are what keeps us motivated and going in times of difficulties. These support systems could include our friends, family, colleagues, partners, neighbors or acquaintances. Some of them provide us with emotional support, while other may uplift us in different ways. 

As we can see from Mohana’s story, her support system was made up of her family, friends, co-workers and house-help. Each of these people provided her with a different kind of support, but were based on a few common components. In a study conducted by Mattson and Hall (2011), being aware of what makes for a stable support system might help us in recognizing more support systems in our environment and strengthen the already existing ones. These components are:

1)    Interactions- which provide for a sharing and listening space and have a two-way communication have been identified as more satisfying to have.

2)    Coping- support systems are made up of people who positively encourage us to cope with life’s adversities. These people are often willing to provide for options and solutions if required.

3)    Esteem- people who continue to positively remind us of our accomplishments, help us to believe in our own worth and potential. They not only support us but also create a space of growth in competence and independence.

4)    Exchange- not all support systems can provide emotional support, but an outstanding characteristic of support systems is that there is always a state of exchange (for tangible goods, emotions, advices, feedback or affirmation) which exists while we interact and respond to social cues (George Homans, 1961). The extent to which support is given and received within a relationship, defines the strength and fulfillment in it.

While we have people to support us, it is often healthy to provide them with support when they require. If we want our relationships with friends and family to be ever so refreshing and young, we need to replenish our support systems. Like a land has to be ploughed and tilled for a healthy tree, relationships need care as well. We can learn to be a better source of support to our loved one’s by keeping some points in mind. 

1)    Listen: as often as it said, listening is truly an art, hard to master. If you want to learn to be a supportive friend, you could start by listening more attentively and carefully. It means actually listening, trying to understand, asking questions to clarify doubts and showing interest in their story. 
2)    Don’t rush to help:  sometimes all that people want is for someone to hear them out. A witness to our story can often reduce the pain and help us deal with it better. We often want to suggest solutions to help people better but that could be quite counter-productive. 
3)    Small acts of care: we can show our love and care by small acts of care like cooking, helping with chores, small gifts, flowers, a playlist of favourite songs or a phone call. These seemingly small acts go a long way and make the person feel supported and cared for in their times of difficulty. 
4)    Physical affection: depending upon our relationship or comfort with the person, different types of touch could be very strengthening for the person in distress. Holding hands, tapping on the back or the shoulders, hugging or kissing could be some of the ways in which we assure another person of our presence in their times of difficulties. 
5)    Taking up a responsibility: when Mohana’s family offered to help her with the baby and household chores, she felt naturally relaxed. We could also share the load of responsibilities with our family and friends when they need it from us. 
6)    Standing up for them: it might be important to take sides with your friend and family in an argument with someone else or if you see them being uncomfortable somewhere. It could mean leaving a party early because your parent feels unwell, opposing a crass comment made about your friend at work, or simply checking with them before taking big decisions. 

The word support system indicates that you are a team. It means being there for people who are there for you, as the pop culture reference goes. Providing care is as much a fulfilling act as is receiving care and affection. We learn and grow by building each other up and it is important to step up for people who step up for us. As the African proverb goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together”.

References
Glanz, K., Rimer, B. K., & Viswanath, K. (2008). Social networks and social support. In Health behavior and health education: Theory, research, and practice (4th ed., pp. 189-195). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
Mattson, M., & Hall, J. G. (2011). Linking health communication with social support. In Health as communication nexus: A service-learning approach (1st ed., pp. 181-187). Retrieved from file:///C:/Users/lenovo/Downloads/socialsupport.pdf

If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.

https://member.1to1help.net/articles/Creating-Your-Personal-Village–A-Guide-on-the-Important-People-You-Need-in-Your-Life/ODcy

https://member.1to1help.net/articles/Reaching-In:-Being-There-for-Someone-Who-s-Dealing-with-Suicidal-Ideation/OTE4

https://member.1to1help.net/articles/4-Types-Of-People-To-Have-Around-You/ODcz

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lab-real-world/202106/6-tips-increasing-social-support

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-support#avoid-advice

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/how-to-strengthen-your-support-system/


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    Formula For A Great Relationship

    by Relationship

    A healthy relationship is set on three building blocks: cohesion, flexibility, and communication. Let’s look at how these different building blocks work in conjunction with each other to establish a great relationship.
     

    Cohesion

    Cohesion is characterized by commitment and balance between intimacy and space. Successful relationships including marriage involve both partners’ commitment to the relationship. When partners are committed to investing in their relationship and are willing to sacrifice some of their own preferences for the good of the relationship, they usually have high quality bonding.

    Fun time together is an important ingredient for the creation of cohesion in a relationship.

    Research shows that the amount of fun time spouses spend together is a major factor in the happiness of their marriage. Sharing enjoyable times prevents people from getting bored with their relationships and helps rejuvenate them when they are very busy and preoccupied with other cares and concerns. It does not matter what the activity is, as long as it allows both partners to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Togetherness in a relationship is based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy. In other words, partners need to spend time together and have their separate time as well. Partners needs to ensure that they provide the time and space to nurture their respective interests and maintain their own friendships apart from those of the spouse.

    Try not to rely entirely on your partner for your validation and well-being. Nurture your own friendships while allowing the same latitude to your spouse.


    Flexibility

    We live in a world that changes quickly. However, some of us are more adaptable than others. It is also recommended for couples to assess their individual and couple flexibility when faced with change. In other words, flexibility is about adapting to the changing circumstances both individually and as a couple. It is about how you as a couple adapt to stressful life transitions and crisis situations like when one partner falls ill or loses his/her job, which call for adjusting to changes in roles and responsibilities in the relationship.

    It also helps to be flexible in the way one receives information from their partner and be willing to try varied ways of doing things. It becomes essential for couples to remain open to the idea that there are multiple ways to resolve a crisis or manage stressful transition.

    As Susanna M. Alexander says in her book Creating Excellent Relationships, “Flexibility is adjusting to life as it happens and embracing changes as needed, while remaining true to one’s core values, beliefs, and appropriate priorities.”


    Communication

    One of the biggest misconceptions for couples revolves around lack of communication. A lot of couples have an unrealistic expectation that after some time in the relationship, my partner would understand everything about me. Healthy relationships do not stand on this misconception and such couples put a lot of effort in building trust through communication. A couple should take time to talk and exchange information, ideas and day-to-day experiences. If as a couple you hardly have time to communicate with each other, do schedule a regular time, which is acceptable to both of you. It could be just before sleeping at dinner time or as you have your morning tea. You could start by sharing one good thing and one difficult thing about the day.

    Partners can learn to communicate better by developing more effective ways of speaking and listening. The person talking needs to focus on their own feelings and not attempt to read their partner’s mind. Listening forms the core of communication. Too often when we are quiet we are not listening to what the other person is saying but waiting to reply. Listening involves intently trying to understand what the other is saying instead of looking for weakness in your mate’s argument. One must avoid making accusations or criticizing the partner. Instead each partner needs to share words of appreciation and affection that can foster positive communication. Active listening promotes clarity and understanding between the couple.


    Conclusion

    As you look at the three building blocks, cohesion, flexibility, and communication, ask yourself if they are present and thriving in your personal relationship. Take a proactive stance to make your personal relationship healthy and strong. If you feel that you require assistance or clarification regarding the same, speak with one of our counsellors by calling in at 1800 270 1790 or 080 42756888.

    If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.

    https://member.1to1help.net/articles/Relationship-Building-Hacks/ODY2

    https://member.1to1help.net/articles/Formula-for-a-Great-Marriage/NDA2

    https://member.1to1help.net/articles/9-Rules-For-a-Good-Marriage-/MTQ0

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201812/what-does-healthy-relationship-look

    https://positivepsychology.com/marriage-fulfillment-lifelong-relationship/

    https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/

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    Call 1800-258-8999 / 1800-258-8121

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      Re-energizing Your Relationship

      by Relationship

      Whether you’ve been seeing someone for a while, are living with a partner or have been married for a while, you may seek ways to improve your relationship but may not be able to do so actively. With multiple responsibilities and the fast pace of our lives, it’s understandable why your relationship might feature lower on your priority list. Nonetheless, relationships require ongoing care. Maintaining a relationship is not just about staying together with your partner, but it also involves actively working to keep the relationship evolving.   

      Doing routine tasks for your partners, like preparing a meal, choosing to buy groceries, helping with dishes, dropping them at work etc., are important and valuable. However, what’s also important is to be intentional about the effort, attention, and work that one puts into a relationship, i.e., using specific maintenance strategies. Research dedicated to studying the science of relationships indicates that one can apply several methods to improve a relationship that has reached a plateau stage.  

      Here are some signs that indicate the need to use maintenance strategies in a relationship: 

      1. Differences in thinking about a situation have caused one or both partners to express dislike about the relationship.
      2. Particular topics are avoided by one or both partners in the hope to escape an argument.
      3. Positive interactions and experiences in the relationship have declined over time.
      4. Communication tends to be limited to fewer topics that are important and necessary.
      5. Partners primarily engage in hobbies, interests and ‘fun’ activities outside of the relationship.

      If you can relate to any of these signs, you may try the following strategies in your relationship to make it stronger:  

       

      Giving Assurance  

      Feeling safe, secure, and sure about the future is a basic human need. When partners are given this safety, through verbal assurances of love and commitment, it can help them feel more fulfilled.  

      Tips you can try:  

      • Show verbal affection- Say “I love you” “I miss you”, use special nicknames, and convey how important your partner is to you. 
      • Discuss future events and the commitment you have to make them possible.
      • Reassure your partner of the role you can take in the present and future.
      • Do things actively that show your concern for your partner, for instance, volunteer to do a task for them or gift them a day at the spa after a long work week.  

      Conflict Management  

      Having disagreements and wanting to resolve them is natural. However, when a conflict is handled constructively, relationships benefit from healthy communication, transparency, and a reliable, stable environment that both partners can fall back on.  

      Tips you can try:  

      • In case of a conflict, first, ask yourself why you’re upset; what triggered your negative feelings at the moment. 
      • Discuss one issue at a time.
      • Convey the reason for you being upset by saying, “I feel _____.”. For instance, “I feel neglected when you come back home late”, instead of, “You always do this. You are never home.”  
      • Take turns talking. Take time to listen to your partner when they’re talking, and not just wait to give a ‘good’ response to them. 
      • Take a break from discussing the issue if things get too heated. 
      • Attempt to reach a compromise.
      • Avoid degrading language and yelling. 

      Practising Openness  

      Being able to express one’s opinion freely can help one avoid feeling frustrated and irritable in a relationship. Being open could also encourage one’s partner to be more expressive. This can create a space for both partners to be genuine and sincere with each other.  

      Tips you can try:  

      • Discuss the details of your day with each other.
      • Talk about how you feel about the relationship.  
      • Disclose your fears and your needs to each other. 
      • Encourage each other to express your opinions.  
      • Discuss all the goals that both of you may have.  

      Prioritising Positive Moments  

      Each individual is likely to strive for situations and experiences that seem pleasurable. In other words, when something feels good, one would want to have a lot more of it. Hence, pleasant memories with one’s partner would reinforce the need to spend more time together.   

      Tips you can try  

      • Incorporate both your and your partner’s interests in your weekend plans. It will be something to look forward to. 
      • Find movies, TV shows and games that you both find interesting.
      • Take some time out in the day to be with each other.
      • While spending time with your partner, try not to get distracted by other tasks and responsibilities.   

      Having A Shared Circle of Friends  

      Having common friends can help a couple have more pleasant experiences together. Apart from enjoying one’s partner’s public persona, being able to fall back on a common support system can bring a couple closer.  

      Tips you can try:  

      • Experiment with different friends – try having meals and going to other events together.
      • Plan outings that require more people – a class, a workshop, a picnic or a trek. 
      • Have a quiet evening at home with friends, where you’re able to relax and have a good conversation.  

      Sharing Tasks  

      Partners are likely to feel satisfied when they sense fairness in the relationship. When they feel like both their efforts and benefits are equal, they’re likely to feel more motivated.  

      Tips you can try  

      • Discuss roles and responsibilities and whether they are equitably distributed. 
      • Discuss ‘benefits’ and ‘efforts’ specific to both partners in the relationship, see if there are other expectations that aren’t being met.  
      • In case of days when either partner is ill or tired, try discussing backup plans for specific tasks.  

      Do remember that each relationship’s needs differ based on the life stage of that relationship. Therefore, depending on the stage you are in, you may use any of these strategies to build a thriving relationship with your partner. 

      If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.

      https://member.1to1help.net/articles/When-Travel-Keeps-You-Apart/MTQw

      https://member.1to1help.net/articles/Energise-Your-Marriage/MTI0

      https://member.1to1help.net/articles/A-Roadmap-to-Relationships/OTMx

      https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-lies-and-conflict/202010/the-secret-energizing-your-long-term-relationship

      https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships#Do-things-together

      https://psychcentral.com/relationships/effective-ways-to-keep-your-partner-interested#laughter


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