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Tushar started dating His best friend from college but soon realized that she was increasingly curt and insulting towards him and his family. She would never have time to meet him or even talk to him over the phone, she would never listen when he talked about work pressures and worse, she wasn’t even there for him when he met with an accident and was hospitalized. She ridiculed his every act and choice, even making fun of the fact that he didn’t have enough facial hair.

In all this, he never received an apology, but Tushar continued to forgive her every hurtful word and action, hoping that in time she would realize her mistakes and acknowledge his love. Even when he found out that she had been cheating on him with his close friend, he was willing to forgive her if she promised not to repeat it.

Some relationships are not made in heaven and certainly not meant to last “till death do us apart”. If one believes they are in such a relationship, it might be better to pull the plug now rather than regret it later. Of course, like most things in life, it is easier said than done – there are several reasons why people stick on in impossible relationships, perhaps hoping for a miracle that would make things better, much like Tushar.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes, we find ourselves in troubled relationships that are no longer healthy or fulfilling. It can be difficult to recognize when it’s time to let go, as our emotions often cloud our judgment. 

Understanding when a relationship is no longer healthy

Recognizing when a relationship has become unhealthy is the first step towards healing and growth. It is important to remember that every relationship goes through rough patches, but if the negative aspects outweigh the positive ones, it may be time to reassess the situation. When communication breaks down, trust is lost, and emotional or physical abuse becomes prevalent, it is clear that the relationship is no longer serving its purpose.

One key indicator of an unhealthy relationship is a constant feeling of unhappiness or dissatisfaction. If you find yourself always feeling drained, unhappy, or unfulfilled in your relationship, it may be a sign that it is time to let go. It is important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health above all else. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship that brings you joy and fulfilment.

Why is it hard to let go?

Call it fool’s paradise or eternal optimism some people are always ‘hoping’ that things will get better. Others believe that the ‘power of their love’ can change their ‘partner’ and yet others feel that love means forgiving one’s partner no matter how many times they err.

Another common fear is- facing friends and family, who know about the relationship and would ask questions or gossip. In popular media, the hero or heroine often takes the decision of calling off the relationship at the altar, but not many real-life people find it easy to take such a decision.

If someone has shared ‘physical intimacy’ with the partner; it also becomes another reason for one to feel compelled to stay in the relationship no matter what.

“Haven’t you heard of a known enemy being better than an unknown angel?” Sometimes this makes people stick by horribly abusive partners because the ‘risk of being alone’ feels scarier. Another related fear is not finding anyone better and settling for less than they deserve in a relationship. However, it’s important to remember that everyone deserves to be in a healthy and respectful relationship.

What would happen if you stay on?

Holding on to a relationship which has gone sour can actually make it worse with increasing dissatisfaction, leading to sadness and despair.

This results in a cycle that only gets progressively more negative- with every turn, the partners get more and more entangled in a web of accusations and blame and ultimately neither knows where the issue began. Unresolved conflicts, over a period of time, have a nasty habit of not only accumulating, and festering until it explodes like a volcano leaving anger, frustration, pain and grief in its wake. Perhaps it is time to let go of your relationship before you get trapped in a downward spiral.

How to decide it is time to let go?

How does one decide whether the relationship is beyond repair? How does one determine whether the fights and disagreements are not normal and will not stop in time? 

One must establish whether the relationship still has something positive that can be salvaged or if it is time to part ways. In order to identify “Signs of Unhealthy Relationships” It would help to follow some or all of the following steps:

1. Write it down: Write down the reasons you think the relationship will work and the reasons you want to break it up. Also, write down what is likely to happen if you don’t. Writing most often gives the clarity that thinking doesn’t and seeing the facts in black and white is often enough to make a person think more realistically.
2. Speak to a trusted person: Friends and family have the ability to observe things objectively, which can provide valuable information and guidance for one’s future. Speak to someone who can be trusted not to divulge the details to all and sundry and someone who cares for you to have your best interests at heart.
3. Speak to a Counsellor: Counsellors can give you an objective picture that might be elusive to a friend or family member. Friends might be too protective or biased in their perception, but a counsellor can help you realistically evaluate the chances of success for your relationship.

Signs that it may be time to let go of your relationship

• Lack of trust and respect

Trust and respect are the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you find that you no longer trust or respect your partner, it may be a sign that the relationship has run its course. Trust can be broken in many ways, such as infidelity or constant lying. Similarly, if your partner consistently disrespects your boundaries, feelings, or values, it may be time to consider letting go.

• Constant arguments and conflicts

While disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, constant arguments and conflicts can be emotionally draining and detrimental to your well-being. If you find that you and your partner are constantly fighting without resolving the underlying issues, it may be a sign that the relationship is no longer healthy. Healthy relationships involve open communication, compromise, and the ability to resolve conflicts respectfully.

• Loss of connection and intimacy

Intimacy is an important aspect of any romantic relationship. If you find that you and your partner have lost the emotional or physical connection that once brought you together, it may be a sign that the relationship has reached its expiration date. It is important, to be honest with yourself and your partner about your needs and desires. If those needs are consistently unmet, it may be time to let go and seek a relationship where you can find the love and intimacy you deserve.

One might decide to try and change some aspects of the relationship to make it more fulfilling, or one may even decide to leave the sinking ship.

If you decide to give the relationship another chance, it might be a good idea to keep a time frame in mind. Decide how long you would try to change things and what you would do if you do not see results. It might also be necessary to speak to your partner about expectations from the relationship and involve him /her in making changes.

On the other hand, if you decide to call off the relationship, here are strategies to help you cope with the aftermath.

Coping with the aftermath of ending a relationship

Ending a relationship can be a difficult and painful process. It is normal to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. Here are some strategies to help you cope with the aftermath of ending a relationship:

• Allow yourself to grieve

Ending a relationship involves a loss, and it is important to allow yourself to grieve that loss. Permit yourself to feel the pain and sadness, and don’t try to suppress your emotions. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide comfort and understanding during this challenging time.

• Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is crucial during the healing process. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax. This could include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies that make you happy. Remember to prioritize self-care and give yourself the love and attention you deserve.

• Focus on self-improvement

Use this time of healing to focus on self-improvement. Take up new hobbies, learn new skills, or pursue personal goals that you may have neglected during the relationship. Investing in yourself will not only boost your self-esteem but also make you more attractive to potential partners who share your interests and values.

• Seek professional help if needed

If you find that you are struggling to cope with the aftermath of ending a relationship, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counsellor can provide guidance and support as you navigate through the healing process. They can help you gain clarity and perspective, and provide tools to help you move forward healthily and positively.

Letting go of a troubled relationship can be a difficult and painful process, but it is often necessary for our growth and well-being. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that brings you happiness, love, and fulfilment. Seek professional help if needed. As you rebuild and move forward, embrace the lessons learned and the growth that has occurred. The future holds endless possibilities, and by letting go of what no longer serves you, you open yourself up to a world of new opportunities and happiness.