A healthy relationship is set on three building blocks: cohesion, flexibility, and communication. Let’s look at how these different building blocks work in conjunction with each other to establish a great relationship.
Cohesion
Cohesion is characterized by commitment and balance between intimacy and space. Successful relationships including marriage involve both partners’ commitment to the relationship. When partners are committed to investing in their relationship and are willing to sacrifice some of their own preferences for the good of the relationship, they usually have high quality bonding.
Fun time together is an important ingredient for the creation of cohesion in a relationship.
Research shows that the amount of fun time spouses spend together is a major factor in the happiness of their marriage. Sharing enjoyable times prevents people from getting bored with their relationships and helps rejuvenate them when they are very busy and preoccupied with other cares and concerns. It does not matter what the activity is, as long as it allows both partners to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Togetherness in a relationship is based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy. In other words, partners need to spend time together and have their separate time as well. Partners needs to ensure that they provide the time and space to nurture their respective interests and maintain their own friendships apart from those of the spouse.
Try not to rely entirely on your partner for your validation and well-being. Nurture your own friendships while allowing the same latitude to your spouse.
Flexibility
We live in a world that changes quickly. However, some of us are more adaptable than others. It is also recommended for couples to assess their individual and couple flexibility when faced with change. In other words, flexibility is about adapting to the changing circumstances both individually and as a couple. It is about how you as a couple adapt to stressful life transitions and crisis situations like when one partner falls ill or loses his/her job, which call for adjusting to changes in roles and responsibilities in the relationship.
It also helps to be flexible in the way one receives information from their partner and be willing to try varied ways of doing things. It becomes essential for couples to remain open to the idea that there are multiple ways to resolve a crisis or manage stressful transition.
As Susanna M. Alexander says in her book Creating Excellent Relationships, “Flexibility is adjusting to life as it happens and embracing changes as needed, while remaining true to one’s core values, beliefs, and appropriate priorities.”
Communication
One of the biggest misconceptions for couples revolves around lack of communication. A lot of couples have an unrealistic expectation that after some time in the relationship, my partner would understand everything about me. Healthy relationships do not stand on this misconception and such couples put a lot of effort in building trust through communication. A couple should take time to talk and exchange information, ideas and day-to-day experiences. If as a couple you hardly have time to communicate with each other, do schedule a regular time, which is acceptable to both of you. It could be just before sleeping at dinner time or as you have your morning tea. You could start by sharing one good thing and one difficult thing about the day.
Partners can learn to communicate better by developing more effective ways of speaking and listening. The person talking needs to focus on their own feelings and not attempt to read their partner’s mind. Listening forms the core of communication. Too often when we are quiet we are not listening to what the other person is saying but waiting to reply. Listening involves intently trying to understand what the other is saying instead of looking for weakness in your mate’s argument. One must avoid making accusations or criticizing the partner. Instead each partner needs to share words of appreciation and affection that can foster positive communication. Active listening promotes clarity and understanding between the couple.
Conclusion
As you look at the three building blocks, cohesion, flexibility, and communication, ask yourself if they are present and thriving in your personal relationship. Take a proactive stance to make your personal relationship healthy and strong. If you feel that you require assistance or clarification regarding the same, speak with one of our counsellors by calling in at 1800 270 1790 or 080 42756888.
If you would like to discuss this further or need some help or support in this or any other area, our counsellors would be happy to help.
Communication is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. It allows us to express our thoughts, feelings and needs to others. Understanding different communication styles is essential for effective and meaningful connections with others. In this article, we will specifically talk about assertive communication style.
There are various communication styles that individuals may adopt. These styles can be categorized into passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication. Each style has its own unique characteristics and impacts the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.
Passive communication is characterized by a lack of self-expression and an avoidance of conflict. Individuals who communicate passively often struggle to assert their needs and desires, leading to feelings of frustration and resentment. On the other hand, aggressive communication is marked by a disregard for the feelings and opinions of others. Aggressive communicators tend to dominate conversations and impose their views on others, creating a hostile environment.
Passive-aggressive communication combines elements of both passive and aggressive styles. Individuals who communicate in this way may appear cooperative on the surface, but express their true feelings indirectly through sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or subtle sabotage. Lastly, assertive communication is the healthiest and most effective style. It involves expressing oneself in a direct and respectful manner, while also considering the feelings and needs of others.
What is assertive communication?
Assertive communication is a style of expressing oneself honestly, directly, and respectfully. It involves clearly stating one’s thoughts, feelings, and needs, while also considering the rights and feelings of others. Unlike passive or aggressive communication, assertive communication aims to find a balance between self-expression and empathy for others.
The key difference between assertive communication and other styles lies in its approach to conflict resolution. While passive communication avoids conflict and aggressive communication escalates it, assertive communication seeks to address conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner. This style encourages open dialogue, active listening, and compromise.
For example, imagine a situation where a group of friends is planning a weekend getaway. A passive communicator may silently agree to a destination they dislike, feeling unable to voice their opinion. An aggressive communicator, on the other hand, might insist on their preferred destination without considering others’ preferences. In contrast, an assertive communicator would express their preferences while also listening to and respecting the desires of others. They would engage in a discussion to find a compromise that satisfies everyone.
The importance of assertive communication
Assertive communication is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and fostering mutual understanding. It allows individuals to express their thoughts and feelings honestly, while also respecting the rights and boundaries of others. By using assertive communication, people can effectively communicate their needs, assert their boundaries, and resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.
When individuals communicate assertively, they are more likely to be heard and understood. This promotes open dialogue and encourages others to reciprocate with their own assertive communication. Assertiveness also helps build trust and respect, as it demonstrates a willingness to listen and consider different perspectives.
Moreover, assertive communication contributes to personal empowerment. It allows individuals to advocate for themselves and their interests, leading to increased self-confidence and self-esteem. By embracing assertive communication, individuals can take control of their lives and assert their voice in a world that often pressures them to conform.
Benefits of assertive communication
Practising assertive communication offers a multitude of benefits that positively impact both individuals and their relationships. Firstly, assertive communication fosters effective and clear expression of thoughts and feelings. By clearly stating one’s needs and desires, individuals are more likely to have their voices heard and respected by others.
Additionally, assertive communication promotes healthy boundaries and self-respect. When individuals assertively express their limits and boundaries, they establish a sense of self-worth and self-care. This helps prevent others from taking advantage of them and leads to healthier, more balanced relationships.
Furthermore, assertive communication reduces misunderstandings and conflicts. By expressing oneself clearly and respectfully, individuals minimize the chances of miscommunication and the resulting frustration or resentment. Assertive communicators actively listen to others and seek to understand their perspectives, leading to more harmonious interactions.
Overall, assertive communication empowers individuals to take charge of their lives, express themselves authentically, and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
How to be assertive while communicating
Assertive communication is a skill that can be developed and practised over time. Here are some strategies to help individuals become more assertive in their communication:
Self-awareness: Start by understanding your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. Reflect on what you want to communicate and why it is important to you. This self-awareness will provide a solid foundation for assertive expression.
Active listening: Pay attention to the perspectives and needs of others. Actively listen and seek to understand their point of view. This demonstrates respect and empathy, which are essential components of assertive communication.
Use “I” statements: When expressing your thoughts and feelings, use “I” statements to take ownership of your emotions and experiences. For example, instead of saying, “You always make me feel ignored,” say, “I feel ignored when…”
Practice assertive body language: Maintain eye contact, stand or sit upright, and use a calm and confident tone of voice. Non-verbal cues play a significant role in assertive communication, conveying self-assurance and respect.
Set reasonable boundaries: Clearly define your personal boundaries and communicate them assertively. Let others know what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. Be firm yet respectful in asserting your limits.
Practice assertive phrases: Use assertive phrases to express your thoughts, needs, and boundaries. For example, say “I would prefer…” instead of “I guess I could…”. Practice these phrases in various situations to build your assertiveness skills.
By incorporating these strategies into daily interactions, individuals can gradually develop assertive communication skills and confidently express themselves while maintaining respect for others.
Real-life examples of situations and people who exhibit assertive communication
Assertive communication is visible in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional settings. Let’s explore some real-life situations and people who exhibit assertive communication:
Shashi, the team leader: Shashi effectively leads her team by clearly communicating expectations, providing constructive feedback, and addressing conflicts in a respectful manner. She encourages open dialogue and ensures that everyone’s opinions are heard and considered.
Jatin, the romantic partner: Jatin openly communicates his needs and desires to his partner, while also actively listening to their perspective. He expresses his feelings honestly and respectfully, fostering a healthy and balanced relationship.
Latika, the customer service representative: Latika handles customer complaints assertively by actively listening to their concerns, empathizing with their frustrations, and finding solutions that satisfy both parties. She remains calm and professional, even in challenging situations.
Sameer, the parent: Sameer uses assertive communication when setting boundaries and disciplining their children. They clearly express expectations and consequences, while also nurturing open communication and understanding within the family.
These examples highlight how assertive communication can positively impact various aspects of life, leading to healthier relationships, effective leadership, and successful conflict resolution.
How to handle a situation when one might come across an assertive person
Encountering an assertive person can sometimes be intimidating, especially if one is not accustomed to assertive communication. However, there are strategies to handle such situations and engage in productive dialogue:
Remain calm and composed: Take a deep breath and focus on maintaining your own composure. Remember that the assertive person is expressing themselves, not attacking you personally.
Listen actively: Pay close attention to what the assertive person is saying. Listen with an open mind and try to understand their perspective. This demonstrates respect and allows for a more constructive conversation.
Avoid becoming defensive: It is natural to feel defensive when faced with assertive communication, particularly if it challenges your own beliefs or actions. However, try to remain open to feedback and avoid becoming defensive. Remember that assertive communication aims to find a solution, not assign blame.
Ask questions: Seek clarification by asking questions that help you better understand the assertive person’s concerns or needs. This shows that you are genuinely interested in resolving the issue and finding common ground.
Express your own thoughts and feelings: Once the assertive person has expressed their perspective, assertively communicate your own thoughts and feelings. Use “I” statements to clearly express your position while also acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint.
Find common ground: Look for areas of agreement or compromise. Assertive communication is about finding solutions that benefit both parties. By focusing on shared goals or interests, you can work towards a mutually satisfactory resolution.
Remember, engaging with assertive individuals can lead to productive conversations and improved understanding. By approaching these situations with an open mind and a willingness to find common ground, you can foster positive communication and build stronger relationships.
Tips for embracing different communication styles
Embracing different communication styles is essential for creating inclusive and harmonious relationships. Here are some tips to help individuals embrace and adapt to different communication styles:
Practice active listening: Actively listen to others without interrupting or judging. Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, and show genuine interest in understanding the other person’s perspective.
Cultivate empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Empathy allows for greater understanding and appreciation of diverse communication styles.
Respect individual differences: Recognize that everyone has their own unique communication style shaped by their experiences, culture, and personality. Respect these differences and avoid making assumptions or judgments.
Seek feedback: Ask for feedback from trusted individuals about your own communication style. This feedback can help you identify areas for improvement and adapt your style to better connect with others.
Educate yourself: Learn about various communication styles and their characteristics. Understanding the different styles will enable you to navigate interactions more effectively and respond appropriately to different communication preferences.
Practice flexibility: Be willing to adapt your communication style to meet the needs of others. Flexibility allows for better collaboration, understanding, and connection with individuals who communicate differently than you.
By embracing and adapting to different communication styles, individuals can build stronger relationships, foster mutual understanding, and create inclusive environments where everyone feels heard and valued.
Practising assertive communication
Practising assertive communication is a powerful way to empower your voice and advocate for your needs and desires. Here are some exercises and techniques to help you practice assertive communication:
Role-playing: Enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to role-play different scenarios. Practice expressing yourself assertively, using “I” statements, active listening, and respectful body language.
Journaling: Write in a journal to clarify your thoughts and feelings before engaging in assertive communication. This can help you organize your ideas and express them more effectively when the time comes.
Positive affirmations: Develop positive affirmations that reinforce your self-worth and assertiveness. Repeat these affirmations daily to boost your confidence and belief in your ability to communicate assertively.
Seek support: Join a support group or seek counselling to explore assertive communication in a safe and supportive environment. Working with a professional can provide guidance, feedback, and encouragement as you develop your assertiveness skills.
Reflect on past experiences: Reflect on past situations where you may have missed opportunities to communicate assertively. Identify what you would do differently now and use these insights to guide your future assertive communication.
Celebrate progress: Recognize and celebrate your progress in practising assertive communication. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a step towards empowering your voice and creating stronger connections with others.
Remember, assertive communication is a skill that develops over time with practice and self-reflection. By committing to the process and embracing your own voice, you can become a confident and assertive communicator.
Conclusion
Embracing different communication styles, particularly assertive communication, is essential for fostering healthy relationships, effective leadership, and personal empowerment. Understanding the various communication styles and their characteristics allows individuals to navigate interactions with empathy and respect. By practising assertive communication, individuals can express themselves honestly and respectfully, while also considering the needs and boundaries of others.
Assertive communication offers numerous benefits, including clear expression of thoughts and feelings, healthy boundaries, reduced conflicts, and increased self-confidence. It empowers individuals to take charge of their lives, advocate for their needs, and build stronger connections with others.
By following the tips and techniques outlined in this article, individuals can embrace different communication styles, practice assertive communication, and empower their voices to create meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
If you or your organization need support in improving employee well-being and fostering effective communication, consider partnering with 1to1help. As India’s leading Employee Assistance Program (EAP) service provider, we are dedicated to promoting well-being and providing quality support. Contact us today to learn more about our programs and how we can help your organisation thrive.
“A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences” – Dave Meurer
The excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon is over; it is now time to get down to the nitty-gritty of married life. If you are equipped with the right tools at this stage to handle the expectations, disappointments and responsibilities of living with a person who you discover is not always the doting partner, then you are well on the road to making it last the long mile! In this article, we will discover the formula for a happy marriage.
Rules to Follow for a happy marriage
Those who have had a successful marriage seem to follow a few rules. Let’s see what they are:
Realistic expectations
Most of us enter matrimony with a rosy ‘happily ever after’ label which is amply fed by hoopla from media and movies. Unrealistic expectations are one of the major reasons for marriages to fail. We expect our partner to meet all our needs – from taking care of us, raising our children, helping us in our career and housework, being caring and considerate – in fact, being the perfect mate! No wonder most fail at this impossible task!
Very often when our partner does not live up to our expectations we tend to throw in the towel and call it quits. Instead of expecting perfection, remember that your spouse is as human as you. So, make allowances for human frailties and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Commitment
The real formula for a happy marriage is to make plans to stick it out through the tough times and be there for the long haul. Going into a marriage with an exit policy is never a great idea. If you are committed to your partner and the relationship, you will always find a solution to the problems that are inevitable between two people living together. A rough patch is not the end of the road for a relationship. There will be highs and lows like in everything else in life. Just ride the storm and soon the shore will be in sight; you just need some patience and endurance.
Accepting differences
Why do we expect our partner to fit into our framework of what a spouse should be like? When two siblings brought up with similar upbringing by the same parents are so different, why do we expect two people brought up in different families to be alike?
Learning to embrace our differences instead of trying to change the other will go a long way in creating a great marriage. Trying to change the other person instead of accepting them as they are is folly. After all, you loved and married them for who they are, so why would you want to change them after marriage?
Preserve your own identity
The formula for a happy marriage is to make sure that you are independent and maintain your own friendships apart from those of your spouse. If you don’t share similar hobbies or interests, then allow each other space to pursue the things that they enjoy. Learn to appreciate each other’s interests. Try not to rely entirely on your partner for your validation and well-being. Nurture your own friendships while allowing the same attitude to your spouse. It is important for both of you not to lose your own identity and to be yourself.
Communication
Listening to each other’s emotions is the key to building a healthy communication pattern between partners. Try to understand what your partner is feeling and saying. It is not a good idea to have an argument when you are tired or feeling very emotional. Sometimes it is better to take time out, reflect and then resolve issues instead of jumping headlong into a fight. Use ‘I’ statements instead of accusatory ‘you’ statements. After all, both of you are on the same side! There are no winners or losers here.
Domestic Agreements
While the daily chores of who will cook dinner, help children with homework or do laundry might seem very prosaic and unimportant, be assured that these very things will lead to battles royale! Distribute labour equally so that there are no resentments and work out an equitable schedule of chores.
Talk about parenting styles before you have children, for each of you has been brought up in different ways and you may not exactly agree on all things when it comes to bringing up your own child. We all have our own ideas of values, beliefs and traditions, so you and your partner have to arrive at some sort of understanding before the actual task of parenting begins.
Nurturing Intimacy and Emotional Connection
Nurturing intimacy and emotional connection might be one of the most important components of the formula for a happy marriage. Building a happy marriage goes beyond sharing chores and responsibilities—it’s about fostering intimacy and emotional connection. Here are some tips to keep that spark alive:
Make quality time a priority: Life gets busy, but don’t let it overshadow your relationship. Set aside special moments for just the two of you. Whether it’s a cosy movie night, a spontaneous adventure, or even a simple walk in the park, cherish these moments together.
Share your deepest thoughts and feelings: True intimacy comes from opening up to each other emotionally. Listen actively and show genuine interest when your partner shares their joys, worries, and dreams. Create a space where both of you can be vulnerable and support each other through thick and thin.
Show love and appreciation: Little gestures can go a long way in showing your love. Leave sweet notes, surprise your partner with their favourite treat, or give them a warm hug for no reason at all. Let them know that they are cherished and valued.
Explore common interests: Find activities that you both enjoy and make time for them. Whether it’s cooking together, exploring new hobbies, or going on adventures, shared experiences bring you closer and create lasting memories.
Let go of grudges and forgive: In any relationship, conflicts are bound to happen. Learn to forgive and let go of past hurts. Holding onto grudges only weighs you down. Instead, focus on finding solutions and growing together.
Keep the romance alive: Don’t let the romance fade away after the honeymoon phase. Surprise each other with small acts of love, plan romantic dates, and keep the spark alive. Remember the things that made you fall in love and continue nurturing those feelings.
A happy marriage is an ongoing journey that requires effort and commitment from both partners. By nurturing emotional intimacy and connection, you’ll create a strong foundation for a fulfilling and lifelong partnership.
What to Do Once Things Go Wrong
No marriage is immune to challenges and problems. When things go wrong, it is important to remember that it is not the end of the world. Instead of dwelling on the negative, focus on finding solutions and working through the difficulties together.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and learning to deal with it effectively is vital for the growth and well-being of your newly married relationship. Instead of avoiding conflict or letting it escalate, embrace it as an opportunity for growth and understanding. Approach conflicts with empathy, active listening, and a willingness to find a resolution that works for both of you.
When conflicts arise, strive to understand each other’s perspective without judgement or defensiveness. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and avoid blaming or criticizing each other. Focus on finding a compromise or solution that addresses both partners’ needs. Remember that conflicts are not a reflection of your love for each other; rather, they are an opportunity to strengthen your bond by finding common ground and learning from each other’s perspectives.
In conclusion, a happy marriage is not a result of chance or luck. It is a conscious choice to invest in the variables that matter the most. By prioritizing these variables and continuously working on the relationship, couples can build a strong and fulfilling partnership. And this is the formula for a happy marriage.
1to1help is India’s leading Employee Assistance Program (EAP) service provider with a reputation for quality with integrity. We support organizations to improve employee well-being, through a variety of programmes.
